The Big Debate: To Spank or Not to Spank
From:
Jill Daniel
228 days 15 hours 10 minutes ago
It’s a parenting question that has been argued passionately for years. It’s a debate that can split old friends who fall on different sides of the fence. It’s the age-old dispute – should you or shouldn’t you spank your kids?
It is best to decide whether you will or won’t spank long before the situations arise when serious discipline is needed. So, there’s no time like the present to consider the consequences for choices in discipline. Glam.com spoke to Deborah R. Lapidus, Ph.D., former chief psychologist at Children’s Hospital and Health Center in San Diego who currently runs a private practice in La Jolla, California counseling families and children in the San Diego area since 1979. Here, she discusses relevant studies and the risks of spanking your child.
What do you think is the general opinion amongst child psychologists today about spanking?
Most psychologists, unless they come from a particular kind of faith-based practice, recommend using other kinds of discipline other than spanking. I think this has actually become more and more the case as time has gone on. I got my PH.D. in 1976 and certainly more humanistically-oriented therapists were feeling that way about not spanking then, but in the past 32 years--and certainly in the last 10 years--psychological professionals as a group have moved much more clearly in the direction of being against spanking. That decision is based on research data, and it’s not based on politics or philosophy.
What is the most important arena in child psychology that affects the decision to spank or not to spank?
The general trend of child psychology is in the area of attachment and most discipline problems are considered now to be attachment disorders. Attachment starts at birth, and it doesn’t only mean that the mother is able to bond and attach and be in attunement with the child, but it also means that the child is capable of bonding and attaching and being in attunement as well. In other words, it’s a two-way street. The child brings something to the table also. And some children’s temperaments right out of the womb are such that they are just completely available for bonding and attaching and things go along swimmingly.
But many children’s temperaments, for who knows why—maybe they’re premature or there are a million different reasons—have them not being available because they’re busy trying to cope with life outside of the womb. You can’t know for sure what kind of child is developing a secure attachment and what child isn’t. So, what attachment theory says is that attachment is all—that the reason that children behave is because they care about their parents. They might behave because they are fearful of their parents, but that is not as reliable though as caring. When a child behaves out of fear, like with a teacher, or a boss, or a parent, and when the teacher or the boss or the parent aren’t around, that child is as happy as a clam to misbehave. And when they are only behaving a certain way out of fear of being spanked, there is an internalized, subtle resentment that most often translates into some kind of rebellious behavior,…such as testing, passive/aggressive behavior. And that’s how a pretty healthy child will react.
Is there research data that proves that spanking is not a wise discipline choice?
Dr. Harriet MacMillan, along with other researchers, developed a study at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario in the late 1990s. The study involved a survey of 4,888 adults in Ontario, Canada, and is believed to be the largest of its kind in the world at that time. Of the respondents who were slapped or spanked occasionally, 21 percent developed anxiety, 7 percent major depression, 13 percent alcohol problem, 17 percent drug abuse or an anxiety disorder. The study concluded that children who were spanked by their parents were twice as likely to develop drug and alcohol problems in adulthood--and had increased rates of anxiety disorders, anti-social behavior, and depression. Dr. Macmillan is quoted in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, 1999, saying, "It is likely that some, but not all (respondents) were at risk for developing a disorder. But since you can't predict who will develpp a disorder, the risk should be avoided by practicing alternative forms of discipline."
Is there a significant study that shows how children who were spanked grew up to be less emotionally healthy in intimate relationships as adults?
Yes, very recently, Murray Strauss who is the Co-Director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire presented his new findings at the American Psychological Associations Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships this past February 2008. Strauss's findings show that spanking and other corporal punishment by parents is associated with an increased probability of three sexual problems as a teen or adult: (1)Verbally and physically coercing a dating partner to have sex, (2) risky sex such as premarital sex without a condom, and (3) masochistic sex, such as being aroused by being spanked when having sex.
Strauss says, "These results, together with the results of more than 100 other studies, suggest that spanking is one of the roots of relationship violence and mental health problems. Because there is 93 percent agreement between studies that investigated harmful side effects of spanking, and because over 90 percent of U.S. parents spank toddlers, the potential benefits for prevention of sexual and relationship violence is large."
He goes on to say, "...because other research shows spanking is not more effective than other discipline methods, there is no need to expose children to the harmful effects of spanking. ...The core of this study is that spanking by loving parents confuses love with violence, which increases the probability that violence will be part of making love."
So, do you think the best disciplinary actions for your children is going to be respectful, well-thought out consequences for improper behavior that will ultimately support the emotional bond between parent and child, not undermine and possibly destroy the relationships with parents and adult relationships to come?
That’s exactly right. According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood is necessary for secure, empathetic relationships in adulthood. Attachment and trust are best built through an interaction between the adult and child that is respectful, reciprocal, and responsive. Parents should communicate with the child like a competent human being. The rule is when you’re explaining something or telling them a disciplinary action, keep your sentences short and simple, no more than 10 words…”Johnny, bring your dishes to the sink” is authoritative and clear. In setting boundaries and limits, the child is best guided by re-direction, natural consequences, listening and modeling and not by punitive means such as spanking.
